she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The adults are the big ones right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
