So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
