Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
