Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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