First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
