yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
