so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
