He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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