Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
