my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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