i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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