She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
