So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
