Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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