two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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