What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
