I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
