you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
