I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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