dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
