Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
