Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
