im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
