How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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