It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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