Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
