How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
