and she was petting her beer can
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
