party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
