All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
