I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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