Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
did you just send me my own nude
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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