If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
