I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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