I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
