my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
