i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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