I didn't shave. On purpose
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
