Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
