Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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