none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
