I skipped work to stalk him.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
