I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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