that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
