I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
