eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
