Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
