i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
