I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
vagina is talking i cant
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
