meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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