He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
