maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
